One of my favorite ways to stay inspired as a Visual Artist, is by hitting the trails of national parks or other scenic venues.
During my most recent hike with my Lover, Friend, biggest Cheerleader, and Father of my 2 amazing young adult children, I was thinking about 5 ways that hiking is like marriage.
1. How we start is important
Just as we started out on the trail full of energy, and excitement for the journey we were about to embark upon, so we were, on the day of our wedding. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for every twist, turn, and obstacle that life would throw our way.
Normally we would do a couple of miles, looking for beauty and adventure in the great outdoors. This time however, we ended up on a moderate trail in the Shenandoah
was full of medium and large-sized rocks, tree stumps and uphill climbs. Quite unlike the many trails we had done before, with paved roads, compressed gravel, dirt, railroad-ties’-steps, and wood chips.
Don’t get me wrong, I was just taking note, and had a great can-do attitude with me as we made our way up the mountain, finding the best places to set our feet.
mountains for 2.5 miles one way. Read: which we now know means difficult for those of us once a month, casual hikers.
It was our 31st Anniversary and there’s almost nothing I would rather be doing to celebrate.
After about 30 minutes on the trail, I noticed that this path
The surroundings were magnificent, and we were encouraged right away by having found
though, was that our ability to communicate was necessarily enhanced.
We made it a habit never to assume that we understood what each other meant with what we said. If we had any doubts, we simply asked for the definition; which was super helpful, as words can mean many different things, depending on where one grows up.
the first signposts the park rangers told us to look for, as well as the sound of rushing water in the near distance.
The same with marriage; we were faced with plenty of obstacles, like me starting my adult life over in a new country, and learning a new language and culture. One real advantage
2. Highlighting the Beauty, rather than the difficulties
In the first year of marriage, things weren’t always easy or straight forward we found that we had many different habits, having grown up in completely other cultures, and languages.
Silly things like; how my Husband gobbled down his food, minutes after we sat at the table, while I was on my third bite or so.
Or the time we both ate a lovely meal of spinach, tomato, egg and cheese on noodles, and I awoke to a thud when my hubby had fallen unconscious on the bathroom floor. That was scary! He awoke right away, and we realized later that we had both contracted food poisoning from our dinner. It took over 3 days to dispel the poison from my body, as opposed to my husband’s immediate and more direct response.
No matter, because even through difficult moments, we had the same can-do attitude, along with the fact that we both love God, which was a huge help for us during our rough patches along the way.
About two hours into our hike, I had been taking pictures of surprising and lovely flora along the way, especially mushrooms of all sizes and shapes,
which seemed to pop up just about anywhere on the path in such unexpected spots; I guess because of the moisture retention up in the mountains.
I was also sweating profusely, which is not something I usually do. It’s my own fault because for some odd reason, I had decided to carry a backpack of what now seems to be quite unnecessary items. Really, a water bottle, and my phone for pictures was all I really needed. Lol.
We were truly starting to feel the toll of constantly going up hill, stepping on stones, and trying not to miss-step or trip over the abundant roots. Thankfully we were blessed
with beautiful sights and sounds.
3. Balancing Between Meeting Goals, and Enjoying the Journey
As usual, my hubby was on a mission, we were going somewhere, probably to the top. I on the other hand had the mission of enjoying the journey to wherever; being inspired, stopping perhaps, or just turning around whenever I felt like it; unscathed from a too strenuous hike.
By the way, I did use one item extra from my backpack, my scarf, because I needed to dry off my feet. During several necessary breaks, I dipped my feet into a couple of the many pools of water we had been passing by to get to “the top.”
In this way we have been very good for each other, I always stop to smell the roses, and he is always trying to get somewhere.
I wanted to turn around several times, as I was satisfied with the multiple waterfalls we had already seen. While my Hubby wanted to constantly see what was around the next bend, or rock face.
I was curious too, but since I had rolled my ankle a few times, having lost of focus of the seriousness of our journey, I wasn’t that pressed to go much further.
Over the years, I have gotten more purpose in my steps, not being distracted by every shiny thing along the way, and my Hubby has learned to see the pleasant surprises along the way and to slow his roll just a bit. Hikes and Marriage alike, we help each other to get the most out of everything in life.
4. The Journey May Require More Conditioning and Better Skills
We both were starting to feel taxed to the max when several hours had passed, and we still could see that there was quite a ways to go to make it to the top. Our bodies were not as strong as we had started out, and I realized, that we had possibly taken on more than we had bargained for, and still needed to start our trek down. We agreed to go for 10 more minutes to see what was there, and lo and behold, we saw another marker! That was an accomplishment, and we were glad we pushed ourselves.
However, we learned that we were only halfway to our destination. Yikes! It wouldn’t have felt so bad, except that on our way up, we met a Frenchman, who we asked how far up he went. His answer was “to the top.” Which of course, was probably part of my Hubby’s fuel for wanting to get to the end of our journey. Lol.
As we began our trek down, guess who we saw? The same guy had come back up to go to the top, again!
Let’s face it, sometimes we need more condition training. Coming down that mountain, we had the encouragement of the waning light and the impending weather to go a bit faster, in spite of the fact that we were exhausted and muscle sore.
Marriage is not exempt from condition training. We need skills to live with another person, who is not ourselves. Learning to be kinder, more loving, more understanding, and aware of what makes your spouse happy, takes effort.
Love starts at home, and it looks like something.
Some of that hurts and is uncomfortable, as it seems like we lose a bit of ourselves as we evolve into one powerful unit. Don’t worry, we’re still very much individuals, but now we are learning to jell better together, and are more able to accomplish bigger things on the earth.
I know of no other way to grow as a couple, than to love God more as individuals.
As a young couple we were still, some kind of selfish. It was a blessing in disguise, when we were unable to have children right away, as we got a chance to concentrate on each other, and what each others’ needs might be. We were living overseas, so I couldn’t run to my parents when anything was going on that I wanted someone on my side to agree with. I learned to run to God and the Bible for all the wisdom that I needed.
5. Celebrate All Wins, Large or Small
Celebrating that we got all the way to the second marker, was how we dealt with the disappointment of not making it to ‘the top.’
2.5 miles is really far up a mountain, especially if it’s on rough terrain, which we were not used to. So we were actually pretty proud of our accomplishments.
I’m quite sure we will be bringing walking sticks, more water, and emergency supplies on the next time we plan to go on a moderate trail. Such a trail was not for the faint of heart.
What was extra, is that it began to storm, and pour down rain in our last 30 minutes of getting back to the car.
At that point we had started to see some of the first markers that we saw when we first began our jaunt. The paths were flooded, and we were full of excitement, because the end was in sight.
We did it! Five miles, and we celebrated with delicious food at a restaurant called Fiesta Aztec Bar & Grill.
We were good at celebrating all of our wins, throughout our young years together as well.
I learned the language enough to pass the intake test to go to the Amsterdam School of the Arts, where I studied, and graduated, becoming an independent artist, and to teach Art History, and Art to young people and adults.
We celebrated my first solo exhibition, my first studio, my first job at the Driestar Christian University, where I got to teach 7 classes of Teachers in training, how to be enthusiastic about art in their classrooms.
We welcomed shortly thereafter and celebrated our first child coming into the world.
We celebrated my husband’s career change into IT, and when we got a company car. Which was a big deal for a young couple who’s main mode of travel, was a bicycle, or public transportation.
We didn’t go to restaurants often, because Finances were not abundant, but we learned to enjoy life on a tight budget. Walks, bike rides, game nights, hanging out with friends, and the like. Those were amazing times.
BONUS
Staying Grateful
I just wanted to conclude with the most important aspect of the hike, and the life journey… being and staying grateful.
There is no way I would have made it through that Five mile hike without my grateful self-talk. I started out with being grateful about how strong I felt, walking up that mountain in the Shenandoah National Park. Some years back, there was no way I would have made it even to the first mile, without needing to turn around.
I was grateful for the beautiful weather, and for the beautiful waterfalls and vistas all around us.
I am grateful for the 31 years that we have worked on together, so that we are even closer now than we ever have been.
I am thankful for the beautiful children, that God gave us, and who are now well-adjusted young adults.
I am thankful that we were able to homeschool, choosing to do without some things, but yet we have been able to live out so many amazing experiences over the years.
Everyday, I am grateful for the goodness of God in our lives. Even through the storms that life throws our way.
What about you? Can you relate to marriage life as a Hike? If so, in which ways?
Thanks for stopping by, and if you would like to see more content like this, please stay tuned, and subscribe to my upcoming newsletter.
I strongly dislike spam, so I will not be in your inbox every day, but when I am, I hope to bring you some thought-provoking, helpful content, that encompasses Art,Travel,Art Coaching/Consulting, and Family.
Blessings!
Love and Peace,
Lorina, The Art Smart Lady
www.theartsmartlady.com
@theartsmartlady on Instagram